Wednesday, April 15, 2009

New blog post featuring the ten minute rant

Ten Minute Rant
Biz Jargon
This constitutes probably the most evenly roasted chestnut in my lexicon of shit that pisses me off, business jargon. Let's see if you can recognize some of these:
  • Think outside the box
  • Web 2.0
  • Leverage
  • and so on...
Now I won't argue that phrases and expressions such as these had their place when they got started. Mostly I won't argue because someone will add a comment about what hopeless, pathetic, left-wing, whiny pussy I am. To that Shakespeare I say, "fuck you!" Business jargon is to language what crutch is to a man with a broken leg. If you take it away from your standard business executive, it's very much like snatching said walking implement from the afore-mentioned man in a cast and watching him bounce hilariously down the stairs leaving behind blood and teeth. That's comedy.

The sheer level of overuse seen by these catching little ditties all but guarantees that your standard middle management asshole will be all but mute if you take them away. This isn't limited to speaking in board meetings (the subject of another rant, possibly) but also in business writing. Your average professional can't write above a fifth grade level as it is, so they try to inject meaning and relevance by endlessly trotting out these tired aphorisms like the world's only undead show-pony. If you were to strip away the business jargon from the average business executive memo you'd be left reading something shorter and more lacking in literary weight than your first reading primer of See Jane Run.

This concludes the ten minute rant for today. Hope you enjoyed.